The Still Raw Scars
by horntail123
Summary: When harry looses hope who will be the ones to turn there backs and who will step forward to taking the time and help. waning slash HPDM, abuse rape, suidcide themes, SSLM, Dumbledore Ron Hermione bashing. veela fic read and review its better than it so
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but some of the storyline

Waning: Slash HD /abuse /cutting/ suicide thoughts/ rape

_**If don't like it don't read it **_

Chapter 1: All My Fault 

Harry sat alone in his room. It had been the hottest summer to date and what made it worse is that for most of it he had been stuck in his room. As soon as the Dursley had picked him up at the station they hadn't said a word but locked him back in the cupboard.

The meals this summer had become even more scares even though Dudley was not longer on his diet. Harry was expected to prepare the meal but he was never aloud to eat any of it. The Dursley hoping to starve him into submission but what they failed to notice was that they didn't need to treat him like this to get him to do stuff. Harry simple didn't care anymore.

'It's all my fault' it was all his fault her had let Cedric be killed he had let Voldemort be reborn hell he even gave him his blood. 'What kind if savior am I' he whispered bitterly. His parent's death had been his fault he had managed to save his own life but they had died. Who else would have to die for him? Who next. Sirius had been sent to azkaban because of him. He had ruined so many lives 'it would have been better if I had not been born at all' He had ruined the Dursleys life. Everyone he knew he was a pain to. The weasley's were poor and he was rich and yet they took him in each summer. Which they couldn't afford to do. Dumbledore was forever getting him out of trouble and he was a buy man he didn't really have time to run around after 15-year-old golden boy.

How many more battles did he have to get himself in to realize that he couldn't beat voldermort? How many more to realize he was putting the ones he loved in danger. Would it be until they were all dead. No he would let that happen.

'It's all my fault' Harry repeated again and again. He did this every night he never slept he couldn't if he slept he would get nightmares and he would wake up screaming and then the Dursley would beat him. The beating had begun this summer. About two weeks after the dursleys had collected him form the station Uncle Vernon had pulled him from the cupboard and told him...

_Flashback_

_Your Aunt Marge is coming you are to be on your best behavior boy ok. No funny business ok. With that he trough him into a wall he was dazed for a moment and when his vision came back Vernon was holding Hedwigs cage with her in it and his trunk _

'_These I will keep of good measure until the end of the holidays' he snarled _

_You can't Harry lunged of herwig however he was still small for his age and Vernon held her out of his reach. 'And why not Vernon mocked._

'_Because I have to send letters my godfather will be checking up on me.' Harry replied. _

'_Then you will right to your godfather telling him everything is ok.' _

_With that Harry was shoved back in to the cupboard the door was lock and the grate was pulled across blocking out the light. Harry sat for a while before breaking down into tears. Hedwigs was one his only true friend. He had failed her too. _

_End of flashback. _

'It's all my fault'

_flashback _

_Aunt Marge had arrived two days late. _

'_Vernon' she bellowed shoving her bags into Harry knocking him into the wall. 'Where's Dudders?' _

'_Here Aunt Marge' said Dudley as looked up form the TV for but second. Marge went wadderling over to him and placing sloppy kiss on his head. _

_When she turned round she saw Harry looking at the floor 'you! Your still here then. _

'_Yes Aunt Marge' _

'_look at me when I'm talking to you boy' and she slapped him across the face Harry looked up shocked. This turned out to be a bad move. Marge must have notice the shocked look on his face because she hit him again and then turned to Vernon 'Vernon we must talk about the way you treat the boy clearly he gets way with far too much _

_Aunt Marge stayed for three weeks in that time. In that time she told Vernon off for not giving Harry enough to do. _

'_That boy has far too much time of his hands. Give him some wore chores' and so Vernon did Harry had so many chore that he found that he could not finish them the first time that he'd happened Marge had call Vernon and Harry in and she had told him that the only way to get lazy dogs to work was to beat them . she then gave Vernon a lesson on how to beat him by the time it was over Harry couldn't more and he had to drag himself up the stair. _

_End of flashback _

Harry sat in his room the sun was come up and he new he had to make the breakfast. That was always the first chore of the day. Harry hadn't slept at all last night and his body was heavy. His feet dragged as he headed to the kitchen. Turning on the stove he began to cook the Dursleys breakfast.

The smell wafted round that house and the dursleys woke up and by the time they got down stairs the meal was steaming on the table. Harry had retreated to the cupboard a few moments before the Dursleys didn't like to see him at meal times. And that suited him fine. He was extremely hungry but he didn't want to be in that same room as them. Harry had tried to eat some food while he was cooking but he found out painfully later that all the food had been counted and weighed. And he had got beaten for that.

So Harry sat in the cupboard under the stairs and listened to Dursleys eat nosily.

'Boy' he heard Vernon call broken from his thought he rushed into the kitchen. 'we've finished you can clear away.

'Yes uncle' said Harry as her became to clear away

'boy hears you list of chores.' Harry took the sheet and looking it over.

_Cook the meals _

_Wash the dishes_

_Mow the lawn_

_Proon the bushes _

_Dust the house and so on..._

'Uncle?' Harry asked nervously 'I thing I should write to Sirius it has been a week now'

'Silence! I will decide when write to people like YOU. You insolent ungrateful boy' and he punched him Harry fell back into the counter with his nose spurting blood.

Vernon stormed out of the room 'and finish cleaning up.' She yelled making Harry flinch.

The day went uneventful after that his nose was sore and tender and kept bleeding every now and then but Harry continued to work all the same. Harry had nowhere near finished his chore and dusk was coming on fast. Harry knew he would get a beating and this brought tears to his eyes.

The sunset and Vernon came up to him you haven't finish have you. Harry gulped and shook his head.

'You lazy boy' his uncle yelled and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and shoved him in to Dudley's second bedroom. He was thrown against a wall. And Vernon's face was very close to his. 'You make a noise and that ruddy birds dead. Understand' before Harry could nod Vernon's beefy fist made contact with is face brushing his eye second later it made contacted with his sore nose and it took all Harry's strength not to cry out. Vernon let him go and began punching him in the ribs and balls Harry crumpled to the floor and Vernon took to kicking him each kick sent shivers of pain down his body Harry was rapidly losing sensuousness. The pain was over whelming but it was not the first time. Vernon stopped panting and walked out. Harry hard the front door slam and her new Vernon had gone out getting to his feet he stumbled to the cupboards and slipped in to unconsciousness.

The front door slams and Harry was brought back to the waking. There was feet pounding up the stairs and Harry could tell that Vernon was drunk her heard a door slam up stairs and feet coming back down 'please let him go past' Harry though. Please' However God wasn't listening today and the footsteps stopped outside the door. The latch was pulled across in slow motion Harry stared to tremble. The door was reached open and there stood Harry's beefy Uncle.

'Boy' was all he said and dragged Harry out by his hair.

Harry let out a wince as he was dragged slumbering up the stairs and thrown in to Dudley's for the second time that day. Harry was beaten mercilessly all that he waned to do was to slip into unconsciousness again but every punch kick and scratch was like a thousand knives stabbing him leaving behind a thousand scars of humiliation. When Vernon stopped he leaned n close and whispered in Harry's ear.

'Now lets have some fun' that was when Harry realize that this was no longer a punishment but for Vernon's own enjoyment. 'but I deserve it' Harry thought 'Cedric, my parents, I deserve it.'

Vernon leaned down and grabbed Harry's shirt and slammed is back into the wall. Then began to rip of his shirt and run his fingers of his bare and very thin chest. His figures met the line of his trousers and he began to undo the button and pull down the zip. All the while the was an evil glint in his eyes and sly grin on his face. 'Oh no. Oh God no!' he thought while the other half told him he deserved it. He tried to push away but was too weak from the beating.

Vernon's hand slid down under his pants and began to stroke him

'Please … Uncle … please' he began barely above a whisper

'Shhhh ' Vernon said like is was hushing a baby to sleep.

Harry screwed up his face and tried hide from what was happening.. The caressing became more vigorous and two tears leaked out of his eyes.

A while later the orgasm reached completeness and Harry felt his trousers be come damp. Vernon let go of him panting and Harry dropped to the floor his face was damp form the tears . Harry mouthed a silent pray to no one

Now I lay me down to sleep  
I give the Lord my soul to keep  
And If I die before I wake  
I pray the lord my soul to take

And then slipped into alight sleep still shaking.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Meeting Voldermort 

My father has been a death eater for as long as i can remember and i know, have known that I will follow in his foot steps and until four years ago i could not have been happier. However in five hours i will meet Voldermort and i am not ready although i have been preparing for years and i would do anything to get out of going. My father tells me he is proud of me but i can see it in his eyes, He is worried. He doesn't think I can do it ... And neither do I.

2 hours left and I am even more worried than before. I wish I had the courage to go into my father's office and tell him that I will not go but I know I can't.

I am dressed and ready to leave in my plain black ropes I am not allowed to adorn the mask until I am marked. My father is calling me now and when I return I will be marked. And will no longer be able to write in the diary. Because as of this moment my life will not be my own my life wil be a secret that I must take to my grave. It will be a lie. But before I leave I will make my last confession to this book on the 31st of July I fell in love but when I approached them they pushed me away and so now we are enemy's I will NOT say _his _name but it is a boy and although this type of relationship is not frowned upon in the wiziding world the boy I talk of is I suppose muggle in everything but blood. So he is further from me now. So now I must say good-bye old life, old love, old me.

'DRACO'

'Here father' said Draco coming down the stairs

Lucius waved him toward the fireplace saying 'good luck' and 'say as little as possible. Give the air that you are on top of things but hold your tongue.'

'Yes dad' Draco turned and stepped into the fire but Draco Malfoy stepped out at the other side. His father had already apparated and joined the circle of death eaters. Draco stood in the middle of a wasteland he was standing on top of a plinth on which a fire gentle crackled.

'Young Malfoy step forward' hissed a voice and made Draco's insides tremble but he would not let it show clearing his mind in case the dark lord used his powers of Legumicey. The circle in front parted and there stood the dark lord Voldermort. Draco walked forward and prostrated himself in front of the dark lord

'My lord'

'Not yet Young Malfoy. Can you apparate' hissed the voice again.

Yes lord but until school starts my use of magic will be watched and traced with the highest surveillance'

'Indeed you are cunning much like your father but are you loyal to me?' Voldermort raised Draco's head and looked into his eye in that moment felt his mind breached he felt something prod the farthest reaches of his mind he didn't not try to hide anything but manipulated his feelings of love to hate.

'Hum you seem to have a fixation with my young nemesis Mr Potter. Hatred courses though you every memory of him. The fact that you hate the boy is a good thing but your emotions are too strong it is to dangerous in this line of work. ' He turned to the death eaters you may all depart. Lucius and Draco must remain. Al the death eaters made a low bow and with an almighty CRACK disapperated at the same time.

'Lucius. You have trained the boy well.' Voldermort hissed as though Draco was not there. 'However I can not make him a Death eater with the mount of emotion he contains maybe when he is older.'

'As you will my lord' said Lucius with a low bow.

'You may go' the dark lord disappearate and the Lucius took Draco's arm and dissapparate as well. Lucius walked up the grounds with a crushed looking Draco at his heals.

As you can tell as I am still writing in this book. Voldermort did not mark me. The heavens have given me more time and yet am not happy. My father has not said a wod to me since I fail and has locked himself away in his room for the last 2 hours. I have failed him I an not fit to … to be his heir … I … I …

Draco couldn't finish what he was writing instead crumpled to the floor and cried. He cried for his failure. He cried for his unworthiness and cried because I could never be with Harry. His Harry. He was crying so hard that he did not hear the house elf, Wendy, trying to talk to him.

Lucius had sat in his study for hou8rs. Lucius was not angry at draco, no, he love draco he will make a fine heir one day. He was disturbed by the fact the Voldermort's words only seemed to reinforce his own suspicions. Suspicions that Draco was hiding something and if he was hiding something then it was something really big because Malfoy's don't keep secrets from each other they just don't.

'Wendy?' Lucius called

'Yes Master'

'Could you fetch my son for me?'

'Wendy will go right away'

Lucius had decide that he would confront Draco and get him to talk e had tried waiting and that evidently had not worked. Moments later Wendy came back. She looked panicked.

Master Wendy is very sorry but Wendy doesn't know what to do. '

What do you mean.' Said Lucius worried now.

'Its young master Draco.' At this Lucius rose to his feet. 'I have never seen him like this he is having a fit sir crying and Wendy has never seen master Draco cry before.'

Lucius wrenched open the door and rushed towards Draco's wing his robes blowing out behind him. He was waking so fast that Wendy had to break into a run to keep up. As the neared Draco's room they hear the sound a smashing ornaments then there was a loud thud followed by a scream of pain. Lucius broke in to a run. Reaching the door he opened it and saw Draco bending over in pain clutching a blood hand.

'Draco' said Lucius aghast

Draco's crying soon changed form weeps of despair to cries of anger and frustration as he became more and more angry he needed some way to vent his anger picking up and china ornament of a dragon the hurled at a wall where it smashed in to a thousand little pieces. Why was he so week? Why did he have to love Harry? Why did he ruin it with Harry?

He continued to throw objects around until the mirror piped up. 'Don't you think you have destroyed enough?' This only seems to make him angrier and this resulted in him punching the mirror. It smashed into a thousand little pieces just like everything else. How ever the glass sprayed out and sliced his face and shredded his hand and wrist. Draco couldn't help himself he let out an anguished cry of pain, bending over and clutching his arm to him. A few moments later he heard his fathers voice.

'Draco' Draco spun round to see his fathers shocked face and it was to much for him he sank to the floor and began to cry. Great raking sobs erupted from his parted lips and could not seem to hold them back.

'Draco' Lucius said again rushing forward. Draco tried to get up and move away he only managed to stagger and pitch side ways. He realised with horror that he had lost to much blood. Lucius caught him worried evident on his face. Draco tried to pull 'oh dad' he said barely above a whisper. 'I failed you. I am not fit to be your heir … I am … w… weak. I am but his mouth became too heavy to open again. Lucius lifted draco of the floor and headed for his bed.

'Wendy bring me some blood-replenishing potion and some carming draught'

'I … don't needed ca … carming … draught' Draco said labouredly

'I know you draco as soon as I take the pain away you will be angry again

Lucius healed the cuts on his face and arm but they still left faint marks they would disappear with time but not for a while. Draco Drank the blood-replenishing potion but tried to refuse the carming draught. But he was still weak and Lucius grabbed hold of Draco's chin opening his mouth and pored some the draught down his throat messaging it all the while to make sure he swallowed. Draco was still crying .

'So what is all this about?'

'I have failed you'

'You have not failed me'

'But I didn't get marked. I am weak and not worthy to be your heir.'

'Draco this is but a minor set back you can still take the mark'

'But don't you see?' snapped Draco trying to sit up but it only made him dizzy a nauseas. His father pushed him back down onto the bed.

'No I don't see'

'I don't want to be a death eater' draco replied exasperated

'Ah now I see and you think that you have failed me you can do what you think I want '

Draco nodded

'Well if you had gone through with being a death eater you would have failed me'

'What?' said a shocked Draco

'I want you to be happy I am not always going to be hear Draco I am setting you up with and future you are comfortable with not what I am comfortable with and I want. ' laying a hand on Draco's shoulder

'So your not angry'

'Yes and No … yes because you could have told me sooner no because I am not angry at the path you have chosen. And yes because there is something else your not telling me. What is it Draco?'

There was a pause while Draco collected his thoughts

'I am in love'

'really and when did this occur?'

'Four years and 18 days ago' he muttered

'That long' had draco really been keeping a secret that long. From him.

'Who is it?'

Draco swallowed hard but didn't reply instead he turned his head away form his father he couldn't look at him. But Lucius wasn't having any of it. He took hold of Draco's chin lightly to turn his face to him but when Draco resisted use more force. Looking in to his eyes

'Who is it?' he repeated sternly

'Harry' Draco croaked

'Harry potter' he said a grin forming on his face and then burst out laughing

'Dad this isn't funny' whined draco sitting up black patches appeared in front of his eyes and he felt nauseas again. But his father continued to laugh

'Dad' he yelled thumping the bed but this action was to much for his weakened body and he felt his eyes flutter shut his muscles giving up and he began to slip back.

Lucius saw his son's eyes roll back and his body to crumble 'Draco' his said lowing his son back down onto the bed. But there was no reply. 'Draco' he all but yelled his eye snapped open Lucius sighed.

'I will sort this Death eater thing out. Harry I am afraid is your problem but for now you are not allowed to get out of bed until I return and say you can I don't care if the covers are on fire. Ok' Draco smile at his

'Ok.'


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for all your reviews

I just want to say that I am sorry about poor spelling and grammar but I am dyslexic but I will try harder.

Chapter 3: Lack of Letters 

Harry sat in his room or cupboard as it was. He had been beaten again no surprise there. Even bone in his body hurt, Vernon must have broken some ribs this time because Harry's breath was laboured and his whole body was aching and sore.

Dam Vernon if only he could use his magic, but he really didn't want to get expelled, what would the wiziding world say to that? There savoir, the Golden Boy, expelled. Although thinking about it would be a bad move on their part, as he would then have no chance of beating Voldermort. But then they didn't believe that Voldermort had returned. Stupid ministry, stupid Fudge, stupid Harry. Letting Cedric die, causing his parents death.

Letting Voldermort return.

Voldermort. Why had Voldermort chosen him? How could he be a threat when he was one? What had his parents done to have to hide? Stop it Harry! You can't blame them it wasn't their fault it was yours. Sirius in prison is your fault.

Your fault!

Your fault!

Your fault!

'BOY! Where's the meal'

'OH SHIT' Harry said crawling out of the cupboard. 'Sorry uncle I…'

SLAP!

'You lazy good for nothing'

SLAP! Harry went tumberling into the cooker hitting his hand on the hob. Harry snapped his hand back in fear that it might be on. It wasn't. But when he turned to Vernon there was that same devious glint in his eyes that warned Harry that Vernon had a new idea on how to punish him.

Vernon moved forward and grabbed Harry's wrists in one beefy hand with the other he lit up the hob turning it to full power. Harry new what he was going to do.

'No uncle please' Harry tried to pull away but Vernon turned round and back handed him making the world spin and then rock. The world was still rocking when he felt excruciating pain in his hands looking down he saw that Vernon was pressing his hand on to the hob it took all his strength on to scream but he did it for hedwig.

The pain seemed to last for ages and when Vernon let go of his hand he sunk to the floor. Clutch it. Forcing himself to look at it, he saw that it was still smoking and burning because of the still residing heat. However it was rapidly going crisp. The pain had peeked so much that he no longer felt it. But there was still the smell of bunt flesh n the air it brought back a memory

_It was hot and there was a lot of noise everywhere. And there was the smell of burnt flesh. There was a voice far a way but it didn't make any sense it was in another language. He was really scared and her wanted his mummy. And he started to cry. Great wailing sobs. _

Harry was brought back to there real world by a voice.

'We going out to have breakfast cause I can't stand the smell. I want this mess cleared up but the time we come back and the smell gone' with that he stormed out of the room not before turning round and telling Harry his chores list was on the fridge and that he better start it.

The door slammed and Harry still hadn't moved the numbness in his hand was wearing of and the pain was coming back. But Harry new that if he didn't get up and get some jobs done then he would only be punishment again. It was his fault after all he hadn't made the breakfast.

The day was going the pain in his hand was bad worse then bad it was making him drowsy. And the sun beating down on his back wasn't helping much he had been in the garden for ages. Pruning, mowing, watering. It was so unfair the plants got water but he didn't they were just standing there he was working.

He mouth was dry and his stomach nauseous. But he didn't dare ask for some water and dared even less to take it.

The Dursely's ad returned just before lunch, which Harry had remembered to make this time he had received a few sly remarks form is cousin about this morning's incident. And a glare forms His uncle about the fact that the smell still lingered. But they had all been too busy eating to do any damage to him.

Instead Harry made is way out side to the rose bush at the bottom of the garden. To get scratched alive. He had not received any letters form anyone for ages and it was really getting down. He wouldn't be surprised if Vernon was stopping them some how. But he had sent one to Sirius. That was something at least even if he was told what to say.

The rest of the holiday move in the same way his uncle had beaten him a lot but it was the week before school started when Vernon lost his job and petunia stopped talking to him that got really bad. Vernon beat him forever little thing that went wrong. But the worse his was that Vernon had started to molest him more and more and Harry didn't know how much more he could take he had thought of running away but that would only mean he'd have to talk about it and he couldn't do that he had made up his mind long ago that know one would know. No one!

Draco was sitting in his room again his father had fulfilled his promise. Draco was going to live with his godfather, Severus Snape. People seem to think that he's a greasy git but he not really it is just a front.

His father had gone to see Albus Dumbledore. He had obviously proved his usefulness because he had told his father that Snape was a spy and that Draco would go to stay with Snape as Snape had been found out this summer anyway.

And so it was arranged Draco would take the bare essentials and Lucius was going to wreck his room to make it look like a struggle and then Draco would activate and emergency portkey form his room to Snape's rooms at Hogwarts. He would be staying at hogwarts, as it was safer and Snape had work to do but they needed Voldermort to think they were at Snape manor so he would still have to take the train form kings cross station on September the first.

As it stood Draco's room was now standing in disarray and Draco was waiting for the right moment to slip away. Lucius came into the room. Once the most loyal Death eater now turned spy smiled sadly and his son before embracing him. Draco wish his mother, Narcissus, could have been there but she had died in one of Voldermort's raids. Draco couldn't help look sadly over his fathers shoulder at the door wishing she would come in and smile one of her beautiful smiles at him.

And then his thought turned to Harry. Least Draco had his father Harry had no one! Not true he had his relatives they were muggles but they treated him like a prince.

Lucius seemed to sense his sombre mood as he pulled away and cupped Draco's face in his hands. 'This isn't really good bye this is just you taking your first step into man hood. And I know your mother would e very proud.' He embraced Draco one more time then stepped away as Draco activated the portkey.

Draco felt his feet lift of the ground and the manor was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Warning CUTTING

Chapter 4: the Express 

Harry woke up early on the morning of September the first. He had cramp in his muscles from sleeping in the same position all night but the prospect of moving was too painful. Vernon had gone about beating him last night again but the difference was that he had taken a knife to Harry's back and front.

Harry crawled out of bed and went outside to the hoses pipe and began to wash the ones on the front the were still sore and weeping but the ones on his back where much worse but he couldn't turn round to sort them out for the most angry and resent gash went diagonal from his neck to his trouser line and any movement of the back sent him doubling over in pain.

Quickly putting his bloody shirt back on Harry slipped in side to make the breakfast he would then slip away to catch the train. Luckily he had changed some wiziding money into muggle currency last year. He would be catching a through train to waterloo he would the have to walk to kings cross-station, as he would have no more money for a tube fair.

Breakfast was made and he putting it in the oven to keep it warm then he went out side to the shed where Hedwig was kept and using wirer cutters cut the chain keeping the door padlocked shut.

Then he retuned to the house and as quietly as possible he slid his trunk out of Dudley's second bedroom and down the stairs Harry opened it and secured his wand in his back pocket and headed out of the house be the time he reached the station his back was killing him and he could feel the fresh fallen blood running down his back.

The train pulled out of the station with minuets to spare Harry was just getting settled when he heard the screaming of tyres and the Dursely's company saloon pulled in to the station. Harry felt a jolt of panic and prayed that the train would move of. At that moment the whistle blew and the train pulled out Harry was free.

Sitting on the train Harry wondered what this year at hogwarts would be like. Looking back, his view for hogwarts had changed. It was still his home as he spent most of his year there but he was now longer happy there, he wasn't really happy anywhere. This year they would have another insane Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Another running with Voldermort slash death deifying experience, if it was possible of a fifteen year old to deify death for the sixth time. Then there was Ron and Hermione, what would the be like with the relationship. He didn't want to be the third wheel always getting in the way. In all truthfulness Harry wasn't looking forward to this year.

Harry couldn't help notice that people where looking at him oddly wondering why he looked down at himself. He was small and skinny his and his oversized t-shirt and jeans that were worn at the knee didn't help. Harry opened the trunk at his feet and pulled out some clean clothes that had been locked away all summer. The got up and went to the onboard toilet. Pulling off his old cloths of the replaced then with the new ones. Not however before turning to look at his back in the mirror. The diagonal cut was angry and still bleeding but so where many others as much as he hated it they were going to leave lots of scars and the diagonal one wasn't going to heal over any time soon. He could heal it with magic when he got to school but he didn't really know how to tackle something this big and didn't really want to ask for help.

Back at his seat Harry contented with sitting and letting his mind wonder. There was Draco Malfoy how was he going to tack him. Harry had spent a lot of time this summer thinking about him he didn't really know why. But his thinking had brought him to one conclusion Malfoy was hiding.

Everything Malfoy said he said with out conviction he wasn't what Harry had first seen him to be. Harry never thought that Malfoy wasn't good at hiding his emotions he was a slytherine after all but so was Harry at heart. Harry spent his whole life hiding himself behind the mask of Harry Potter and so was Draco hiding behind his own mask a death eater's son.

Draco had packed his things he and Snape had spent the night at Snape Manor and it was from there that they were going to travel by coach to Kings-cross station. Draco was not looking forward to meeting his slytherine friends, as most of them were loyal to the Dark Lord and therefore he was a traitor. They do not take Kindly to traitors.

The only upside of going to school was that he was no free to flirt and hopefully date Harry. However Draco wasn't under any pretences that Harry would just fall in to his arms. From all the attacks Draco had thrown at Harry in the past he had learnt a few things Harry was brave, foolish, over emotional and stubborn. That's what made him so attractive draco loved the way that no matter how he tried to hide his emotions they always shone thorough in his eyes, that they would light up guiding the way to his heart. His stubbornness was just calling to Draco to take control and his bravery and foolishness screamed for protection.

Then there was his body it was not the greatest he was little to thin. But his build was smaller and slighter than Draco's, which only made Draco want to protect him even more. His hair that stuck up all over the place was just adorable and Draco wanted to run his hands through it. And there was only one word for his eyes _magnificent_.

Draco Malfoy had to have Harry Potter and Malfoy's always get what they want.

The train had pulled in to waterloo station ten minuets ago and Harry was now out in the bright busy streets of London walking to Kings-cross station dragging his trunk and hedwig behind him. He had twenty minuets to go and his back was killing him to top that harry had decided to put a jumper on to hid the bruised and welts. His was just making him dehydrate and his body was all ready suffering from lack of water.

Harry arrived t the station with five minuets to spare he went on board and stored his trunk away before returning outside. School didn't officially start until gone eleven, which meant that he couldn't hide the bruises on his face until they were on the train, which meant that the Weasley's were sure to notice. Climbing out the train Harry happened to bump into none other than Draco Malfoy.

'Sorry…I'

'Don't worry about it it's …' Malfoy stopped mid sentence.

'Here it comes' Harry thought Death Eater son extraordiner but to his surprise nothing came. Malfoy just looked at his shocked and then rushed off 'odd' he thought.

'HARRY!'

'Hermione' Harry said before a bone-crushing hug that took all his strength on to flinch from as pain erupted in his back but soon hermione let go and Harry heave a sigh of relief that was short lived as Ron thumped him on the back.

'I'm sorry Harry but we have to go the prefects lounge'

'Your prefects Wow' Harry squeaked through the pain truing to sound normal.

'Yeah I know well see yer' and with that Ron and Hermione walked away hand in hand. The whistle blew and Mrs Weasley turned to him

'Oh Harry dear lets get you on the train'

Malfoy went through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters and craning his neck to see if he could see Harry and find where the slytherines were he new he had to face them some time but later rather than sooner would be preferable.

He couldn't see Harry anywhere but he had notice a group of fifth year slytherines at the front of the train. So he decided to stay down the back of the train. Pulling his trunk head down not that he could really hide with hair as blond as his. When he bumped into someone

'Sorry…I' they began

'Don't worry about it it's …' Draco cut them off looking he saw it was Harry of all the people to bump into. Harry looked at him and that's what made him stop. Harry's face was …who had done that…. why? Draco realise his was staring but couldn't say anything he just pushed past and on to the train.

Getting in to a compartment Draco looked out the window and watched Harry greet his friends all to quickly the walked away up to the front of the train and although Harry hid it well he was upset that they were holding hands. But what shocked him most was that none of his friends noticed is face they were all to busy to see.

Harry his beautiful Harry what had he got himself in to this time.

Harry sat on his own in his compartment his hand was in his pocket where he had hidden a mall knife over the holiday Harry had released some of the pain frustration and guilt in the only way that seemed to help. Every time his blood rushed from his self-inflicted scars he was alive he was punishing him self it was more rewarding than the punishments from his Uncle because he was doing it.

Locking the door with a few spells he pulled it out and fingered it just two scars not to deep, just deep enough to make the right amount of blood. Harry rolled up his sleeve.

His wrists were all ready adorned with lots of scars running all the way down his arm he had started of with little line but he needed not daring to go deeper he made them longer and know drawing the small silver knife alone his flesh he added another mark. Watching his sweet relief through blood.

Draco was so rapt up in Harry that he didn't hear the slytherines come down the hall looking for him. He only realise when Crabbe loomed over him turning round he tried to stand up but Goyle put a hand on his shoulder and shoved down.

'Now one betrays the Dark Lord Draco and not expects to get punished al least.' Came Draco's nasally voice from the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Waning**: Cutting and Language

Chapter 5: Discoveries and adjusting 

Draco had stepped of the train still twitching from the remains of the criticus curse. As quickly as possible Draco had cast some concealing charms to hide the bruising inflicted by Crabbe and Goyle and headed of to the feast.

Sitting at the table no one in slytherin house had acknowledged him except Baize and even he had been tentative to begin with. He had gone from being the prince of slytherin to a nothing, a nobody. It had taken all his strength to keep the twitches at bay through out the fest and as it drew to a close he thought he had got a way with it. However as he headed beck to his dorms Snape had snuck up on him and pulled him aside.

'Draco I think you had better come to my rooms.' Draco new better than to argue with Snape and nodded following. When they were inside Snape's rooms Snape whipped round and cancelled the concealing charms. Revealing Draco in his full bruised glory.

'How did you know?' gasped Draco

'I have seen enough crucio victims to read the signs you have been trying to hid the twitches all thought the feast and even now' he said as draco tried to suppress another twitch. 'you can't hid it from me'

'Obviously not'

Snape had then gone about healing the bruises and giving his a potion for the criticus effects. He had asked Draco who had done it but much to Snape's annoyance had kept his mouth shut he was not about to become a tattletale. Snape didn't press the matter which led Draco to believe that he had a good idea how was behind it anyway.

When Snape had finished Draco had gone to bed all the potions making him lethargic.

Due to the events that had occurred last night Draco decided to for go breakfast and stay away form pansy and had managed to do so all day in fact he had only really seen her at lunch and he was way to occupied watching Harry to pay her much attention.

Harry was not fairing well Hermione and Ron didn't talk to him the whole meal and even all the way over the other side of the room he could see that Harry wasn't eating. Instead Harry sat with one elbow on the table his head in one hand and his other holding a fork pushing food around his plate but not actually eating it. It made Draco's heart wrench all he wanted to do was go over there and sweep Harry into a hug. But that would not sit well with Harry for sure.

And so the day went no. Draco watching Harry being ignored. Evening came on fast and Draco found himself heading up the astronomy tower Draco like to go there to think it was sheltered fro the rain but the wind still blew rushing through his hair with now hung loose around his face as he had for gone the gel over the summer.

However when he reached the top he had to stifle a gasp as there stood his Harry. What should he do turn round and go back no a Malfoy never walks away.

'Hey Potter what you doin…' Draco stopped as Harry turned round.

The day had not been good neither had the feast for that matter Ron and Hermione hadn't said a word to him since the train. He had had come up hear to release himself off some stress when Draco Malfoy had come in and seen him with his arms were blood from where he had cut and the knife was in his hand and to top it all he wasn't finished.

'Hey Potter what you doin…' Draco stopped as Harry turned round.

Harry didn't reply

W…Why? Draco stammered very unmalfoyish Harry thought before snapping back.

'None of your business will you please go away?'

'Don't tell me what too do Potter' Draco sneered

'I didn't, I asked' said Harry getting angry now. Why couldn't just get the fuck out of hear? It's not like he cared.

'Whatever' He drawled in reply but made no move to leave in fact he went over to the window.

'Are you going to leave?' Harry growled

'No' was all Draco said. This infuriated Harry well if draco wouldn't go then he would just have to watch he had already caught him in the act.

Draco froze as soon a Harry turned round Harry's arms were covered in blood and there was a knife n his hand. Draco resisted the urge to run over to him a demanded to know why. What had his Harry done, his beautiful Harry, had it become that bad.

W…Why? Draco choked

'None of your business will you go please' Harry must thing him mental to even asking him that.

'Don't tell me what too do Potter' Draco sneered and moments latter could have kick himself how could he be so horrid when harry was like this.

'I didn't, I asked'

'Whatever' Draco replied backing down but not leaving.

'Are you going to leave?' there it was again Harry really must think the worst of Draco to ask that.

'No' Draco saw Harry flush red in anger but what happened next surprised him. Harry withdrew into himself and turned back to the window. Bring the knife to his wrist again. _'No' _he mentally screamed.

Getting across the room in two quick strides Draco grabbed the hand with the knife in it a spun Harry round then graded Harry's cut wrist holding them apart. Plying the knife from Harry's hand Draco said

'God Potter get a grip' not exactly what he had plan to say but better then it could have been. And it shocked Harry enough for him to get the knife free. Once it was free Draco slipped it in his pocket and let go of his hand. Which seemed to bring Harry out of his daze.

'Hey that's mine' he said lunging for Draco's pocket Draco caught Harry's arm easily loss of blood making him slow. Draco glared down a Harry warning him not to try that again and Harry stopped struggling admitting defeat.

Harry couldn't understand want was going on Draco was acting all concerned and Harry liked it. When Harry broke from his daze Draco had healed his arms. Collecting himself together Harry said

'You had no right doing that.'

'What was I supposed to do' Draco was getting really fed up of his attitude. 'Let you bleed to death and destroy Voldermort's fun.' Harry recoil as if he had been slapped and Draco looked shocked.

'Just Sod off Malfoy' Harry said before turning a running out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi one of my reviewers has brought to my attention the fact that I needed a beta reader if anyone is interested can they contact me at Thanks

Chapter 6:

Harry lay awake that night listening to Ron snore. Oh how things had changed since last year. Ron and hermione where ignoring him, at first he thought they were just preoccupied with being together but it had become obvious today in class that they were ignoring him when Harry had been talking, Ron had just cut him off and turned to talk to hermione.

Next there was Malfoy he actually looked concerned worried even so un-malfoy-ish. Harry had quite liked the fact that Draco taken control over the knife and that was why he back down he had thought maybe Draco had really cared.

'_Let you bleed to death and destroy Voldermort's fun.' _

But no, Draco hadn't changed, and Harry felt a fool for thinking it. How could any one really care about Harry he was just a freak. Useless, he couldn't save people and he couldn't clean one measly house properly.

Draco would always hate Harry and Harry Draco that is how it is supposed to be even if he has turned away from his father

The next change Harry had noticed was that he couldn't find it in himself to trust or believe what Dumbledore said to him. It was Dumbledore who had sent Harry back to the Dursely's again and again even thought he had known that they hated Harry. Hell he had even run away at one point and it had only gotten worse this summer and now he wouldn't even look Harry in the eye. Harry was so alone not even Sirius is there to talk to any more stuck in griwenward place wallowing in his own misery.

_That's not fare Harry you're being a hypocrite_ Harry thought.

Then there was Remus he was away on order business and wouldn't be back before the New Year at least. So alone.

Morning came and Harry had come to one conclusion he had to talk to Draco and assess where they stood. And the best time to do that was in the free period after poisons

Poison's was delightful for Harry. Snape although he was exposed this summer as a spy, as he took in Malfoy, was his normal greasy git self around Harry. But Harry found that the remarks didn't hurt as much as they had normally he all ready new he was useless he didn't he to be told and so he just ignored them. This seemed to throw Snape somewhat as he backed of and just seemed to watch Harry. Which was ten times more annoying. So Harry just ignore him only specking if spoken to directly.

Potions ended and the students started to file out after clearing up the potions that some hadn't even finished Malfoy however of course had finished with ten minuets to spare.

'Malfoy stay' Snape raped out and Malfoy sat back down. Once the students were gone and the door close Snape beckoned for Draco to come closer. Complying Draco got up and walked to the front of Snape desk.

'How are you? How are the slytherins?' he asked flatly.

'Fine' Draco replied 'no more instances if that's what you mean'

'Good…that's all I wanted really and to tell you that you can come a talk to me about anything ok'

'Yeah I know Sev'

'Good' there was an awkward silence and then Draco said 'well I better get going seeya Sev'

Harry was fidgeting out side the door to the potions room Draco had been detained so Harry could do nothing but wait and hope Draco came out first. Why was he so worried? '_Because you are going to try and have a civil conversation with Malfoy.' _His brain answered. Harry didn't have to wait long before the door open and Draco came out

'Malfoy' Harry said as he jumped out of his hiding place. Harry noticed the stunned look on Draco's face but the mask soon fell across his face and he was indignant

'Yes potter' he drawled

'We needed to talk'

'Yes we do.' Now it was Harry's turn to look shocked. Then Harry beckoned Malfoy to follow. Harry led Malfoy out side and down to the lake.

'Why here Potter its cold'

'That's the point'

Sorry am I missing something here cause I don't seem to follow your Griffindor brain.

'Take a look around you' which Draco did

'I don't see anything'

'Precisely it's cold so no ones coming outside so no on well hear what we say'

'That's actually quite slytherin for a Griffindor'

'A compliment Malfoy'

'Yeah so what'

'Maybe the hat was right' Harry muttered under his breath

'What was that?'

'Nothing'

'No the hat was right about what?'

'It wanted to put me in slytherin anyway what I wanted to say is that I am sorry you had to see that last night'

'Are you going to stop?'

'Probably not'

'Then how can you be sorry?'

'I said I was sorry you _saw _it not that I did it. And what do you care anyway?'

'Look Potter I don't what to be enemies any more I never wanted to be.'

'Well you were sure good at it for the last four years'

'I had to be I was going to be a deatheater you are the saviour.'

'And why are you not going to be one now?'

'Lets just say I saw sense'

'Took you long enough' Harry muttered. Grinding his teeth Draco took a deep breath.

'Look Potter I don't want to be enemies any more'

'Then what do you want?'

Draco want to say '_to go out with you'_ but he new Harry would just laugh.

'To start again' he said instead and held out his hand.

Harry looked at Draco's hand for a moment. 'This isn't a trap is it Malfoy?'

'I promise it isn't' Draco said sincerely

Warily Harry took his hand. 'Thank you Harry' Harry was shocked but the use of his first name'

'F…For…what'

'Giving me a second chance.' Harry didn't know what to say but removed his hand and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit.

'Well I should go back' Harry said in the end and went to walk past Draco. But Draco grabbed his upper arm so that they were shoulder to shoulder and Harry turned his head to look at Draco and caught his eye.

'Please stop'

'What?'

'cutting'

'I don't if I…'

'You _can_ do it. Please'

'I'll try' it was a lie he knew but what could he say Draco's eye were so pleading. Pulling his arm free Harry continued to walk back to the school he didn't look back until he reached the steps Draco still stood by the lake.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer; Just wanted to say that I don't own anything not even the story line which I previously said I did because I have decide to stick roughly and I mean roughly to book five. 

Notice; I am looking for a beta reader and it seems that my last message didn't work as fan fiction wouldn't display my e-mail so I will try again please contact me at laragar hotmail . co . uk obviously with out the spaces 

Chapter 7: Stop!

Harry sat in the toilets on the fourth floor nearest to the Griffindor common room as far away from the slytherins and the dungeons. He didn't want to have another run in with Malfoy even though they were friends know.

It was lunchtime and Harry had decided to skip lunch ever since this summer Harry's appetite had become practically non-existent. This was due to two main things one Dudley's new diet, which he would only keep to if Harry received less than him and the fact that since seeing Cedric death he didn't feel like eating how could he eat when Cedric would never taste food again. So he had taken to only eating what he needed.

Harry drew the new knife across his bare wrist marvelling at the colour of his blood. Tainting his skin, just how he should be. He was tainted on the inside, as good as a killer. The blood ran down is arms and dripped on the floor how it should be it should have been his blood spilled not Cedric's nor his parents nor the old man or Bertha Jorkins. Blood the symbol of life it should have been his life before there's that dirtied the floor just like now.

He knew his self-infliction was getting worse. His needed to cut was becoming more frequent and the cuts longer, as deeper was too dangerous.

Harry's mind wondered to Draco and he felt a stab of guilt he had promised that he would stop or at least try but he hadn't. He knew when he promised that he wouldn't keep it and it was one more thing to feel guilty about one more thing to slowly eat away at him.

Thinking of Draco Harry decided to study their relationship. It was funny really how he had lost Ron and Hermione and gained Draco. But Harry wasn't sure that Draco would ever be able to replace Ron and Hermione over the years they had been such good friends they had been though so much Harry had told them everything. He didn't think he would be able to do that with Draco. Harry was glad however that he had accepted his hand this time something had felt right. And was also glad that there would be no more fighting between them because with everything that was going on this year Harry wasn't sure he would have coped. He also new that he was defiantly closer to Draco because he felt guilty about lying and he knew that if Draco were in trouble he would try to help him. Not that he was very good at it.

Harry drew the knife across again letting out a slight hiss. But all the while enjoying the bittersweet relief from guilt and expectation. At this moment in time there was only him and the knife. The knife that move smoothly but harshly across his skin destroying everything in it path just like Harry the difference was thus time he was in control not just a pawn at the hands of some plot or scheme be it Dumbledore's or Voldermort's or some death eaters. It was his choice.

Letting is mine slip back again as he drew the knife away and soaked in the pain and blood. His thoughts wondered to Draco again only this time there was a question to be answered. Would he tell? Had he all ready told someone? Snape, he had talked to Snape yesterday, alone. But Draco wouldn't tell Snape? He knew Snape hated him. Snape would sooner draw the knife across Harry's wrist than do something to stop him. But that was beside the point Draco wasn't Harry. Draco trusted Snape.

I am worried about Harry he is … I dear not write it here for it this information, should it fall into the wrong hands, could be disastrous. But some how I find myself wondering, wondering if I should talk to my godfather. He would know what to do in this type of situation but then again telling him could prove more disastrous than not telling him. For telling snape could hurt Harry, as Harry has absolutely no trust in Sev with good reason I might add Sev has been pretty horrible to Harry. And so telling Snape may push him away from the friendship we have made. Push him far enough to do something he will regret. I will regret.

No I will not tell Sev not know anyway I will try to deal with it for Harry's sake. If all else fails then I will till Sev from he is all I have left that I trust. I wish my father was here after Christmas I will be turning 16 and I wish my father would be there. As I enter the wizarding society.

…

Harry wasn't at lunch today. Which makes me worry even more Harry is all ready to small for his age only just reaching my shoulders and I am not the tallest person in the world. But that is not all that concerns me. He is far to thin and getting thinner. He is also suffering from lack of energy if quidditch practises are anything to go by.

When I saw him in charms after lunch break he was pale and I think he has been, I cannot say what, again. I am worried very worried I can't loose him know that I am so close. I will talk to him again tomorrow.

'Potter' Said Draco as he came up behind him in the corridor grabbing him by the upper arm he steered him in to a near by empty classroom. 'Potter have you been cutting' oh smooth Draco, Draco thought

'Excuse me?' said a somewhat flustered and shocked Harry.

'Just answer the question Potter' Harry dropped his head but didn't reply that was all the answer Draco needed normally Draco would have walked away and let the person wallow in there own guilt but couldn't bring himself to do that to Harry. You're going soft Draco he thought.

Draco ran his hand through his now un-gel-ed hair. Then striding towards Harry put a hand on his shoulder and said.

'It's got to stop' He stressed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please I really need a beat reader so if some one could get in contact at laragar hotmail . co . uk please!**

**Also I would just like to say there is a song that goes with this fic its called Cry by James Blunt please listen to it it's a good song **

**Chapter 8: The Reasons to Cut **

'Look Draco you can't just stop I can't just stop. It doesn't work like that I need to do this.'

'Need Harry why do you need'

'Look you don't understand you couldn't understand'

'No, your right, I don't understand because _you_ wont explain'

'I … I' was all Harry could get out

'Explain to me' Draco said placing a hand on Harry's bony shoulders. 'I won't tell anyone I promise.'

'Even if I told you, you wouldn't understand.'

'How do you know?'

'Because I know you.'

'No, Harry you don't know me not Draco Malfoy. You know my title slytherin prince not me not Draco.

'Then why should I trust you?'

'Because all trust has to start somewhere and I truly want to help'

There was a pause for a moment where Harry thought about what he should tell Draco. Should he tell Draco? Sure it was Draco Malfoy but then he was soooo different this year. He had disowned his father and he was being really supportive. Telling Draco seemed more right than telling anyone else at the moment. But the could he tell Draco. It wasn't as easy as opening his mouth and letting words spill out. No, first this sinking felling swelled in your stomach as if, if you said the words you were thinking it would swallow you whole. Then came the nagging voice in your head telling you, you were week and that you should bare your troubles alone. Turning his head to look at Draco for the first time since they had entered the classroom.

'I don't think I can.'

'You can't or you won't.'

'Both.' Harry replied in a small voice hanging his head again

'Then your right Harry no one will stand and no one will be able to help.' Draco said in a soft disappointed voice. He wasn't going to give up no, it would be a cold day in hell before he give up he was just going to leave him to brood for a bit.

Draco waited for Harry to say something but when Harry offered no reply and made no attempt to say anything he turned back to the door and turned the handle.

Harry saw Draco turn to leave. I must say something but still his mouth was glued shut. Draco turned the handle. You must say something or you might loose him forever if not Draco then who? Say something!

'It's all my fault.' Harry whispered the line that had haunted his every move.

'What's all your fault?'

'Everything, Cedric's death, my parents death, Sirius's imprisonment and now he's on the run. And then there's Voldermort's return.'

To say that Draco was stunned was the understatement if the year. Draco was appalled to think that Harry had taken the blame for every thing all of it things that weren't his fault. Draco looked at Harry's back and said.

'Harry it's not your fault there was nothing you could do about any of those things.'

'I shouldn't have been born.'

Draco let out a gasp. 'Harry how can you say that?' he stormed over to him and turned him round and looked into his eyes. There was nothing there they were only empty shells of what they use to be they would no longer talk to him explain what Harry was felling they were dead. Empty.

'Listen' Harry said shrugging Draco's hands off his shoulders. 'If I hadn't been born then my parents wouldn't have gone in to hiding and died protecting me. Sirius wouldn't have been frame because there would have been no secret keepers in the first place. Cedric, well I should have protected him but if I hadn't been born then he wouldn't have been taken to the graveyard in the first place. And Voldermort wouldn't have returned.'

'Harry if you hadn't been born then your parents would have died anyway they had opposed The Dark Lord too often to get away and Sirius wouldn't have lived long being a black and betraying his family of Death Eaters and the same with Cedric's whole family and many others and the Dark Lord wouldn't have been able to return because you wouldn't have destroyed him in the first place.'

'**I** didn't **do** anything it was my mum.'

'So she was protecting you if you hadn't been born there would have been nothing to protect. Don't you see Harry everything happens for a reason? Your life is just a bit more complicated then others.'

'I wish I could believe you.' Harry mumbled.

'So do I.' Draco replied to witch Harry gave a small smile.

'Draco don't tell anyone will you? Abut anything? I have told you why. Don't tell anyone.'

'Ok. I won't.'

'Thank you'

'What are friends for?'

Draco sat in the far corner of the library thinking. Harry was taking the blame for every thing, all of it, why hadn't anyone noticed? Why was every one ignoring him? Surly Dumbledore had noticed the change in his Golden Boy. His pet.

Draco didn't know what was going on with Harry's friends and Dumbledore and quite frankly he didn't care the fact remained that Harry was being ignored by the people he cared about and there wasn't really much he could do about it What e had to concentrate on was watching Harry and being therefore him when he needs it or even when he needs it and doesn't want it. But, most of all help him to understand that it's not his fault.

Running his finger down one of his scars Harry thought about what Draco had said and he was right and yet for some reason he still felt guilty. He was meant to make things better as the saviour. Not worse he should have protected Cedric not just stand there and watch. But then was the world better than it could have been had he not been born. Probably, Draco was right. But that wasn't all that the scars represented that wasn't the only reason Harry cut but he couldn't tell Draco about the Dursely's and there little _'games'. _Draco would hate him, be disgusted in him. Harry had let his uncle molest him not that Draco would ever know that. Ever. But Harry would try and cut less. He really would he knew it was unhealthy. But he knew he would never be able to completely stop but he would try to be stronger.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

Harry stumbled to potions. Harry, as always, was a late sleeper and without Hermione's normal wake up call he had missed breakfast and was now 10 minutes late for poison. It had been the first night in ages without terrible nightmares. He still had them, but not the ones that woke him up.

Running down the dungeon steps, rummaging in his bag, praying he had got all his books, Harry missed a step and tumbled down the rest of the stairs hitting his head, he landed face down and rolled onto his back. He laid there, dazed, black spots obscuring things.

Harry jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Blinking, his eyes cleared.

'Are you all right?' Draco asked

'Yeah' Harry said trying to get up but still feeling a bit dizzy 'I'm fine just in a rush and slipped.'

'Look there's not much I can do about Professor Snape. But I can take a look at you head.'

'NO! No, it's fine.' Harry turned and walked away. When Harry was a way ahead, Draco turned and followed not want to cramp Harry's personal space. Harry arrived outside the poisons classroom and taking a deep breath entered the room.

As expected Potter was late for the lesson, cutting him off mid-speech, only this time Draco was with him. 'Malfoy, take your seat. Potter, 10 points for being late and a detention for disturbing the class.'

Harry glared at Snape how dare he give Draco nothing and give him a detention and take points. He was always so unfair. Harry noticed Draco pass him an apologetic glance. Draco didn't know why Snape always picked on Harry but it was probably to do with the James-Sirius thing.

However, to Draco's and Snape's surprise, Harry just nodded and went to take his seat. Harry was always so fiery, his temper was easy to anger and lose control. As much as Snape would never admit even to himself, he had become quite close to Potter.

It hadn't always been that way. When he had first seen the boy, he looked so much like James, and Snape took it upon himself not to let the fame of being the 'Boy-Who-Lived' go to his head. Just like James had let being a Quidditch star go to his head and so had teased him to death about it. But as the years went by, Snape could see that Harry was more like his mother than James. And as the years went by -as things got tougher- the arguments kept Harry fighting. But if Harry had given up fighting then that could only mean two things: either Harry felt in above him, or he simply didn't care anymore. Snape being Snape and being unable to see the good in a situation, and people thought that something over the holidays had probably made him cocky living with those relatives of his I bet they pamper to his every needed. 'Well I'll put a stop to this.' And so the lesson continued although getting considerably harder for Harry. Snape asked him as many questions as he could (without ignoring the class) and the hardest questions he could think of. He could feel Draco's eyes boring in to him ripping him to shreds with their anger that you could only see if you knew him well, which Snape did of course. Lucius had told Snape about Draco's feelings and so Snape decided to ignore him.

The start of the lesson was bad but it only got worse, if that was even possible. Snape was asking him all sorts of questions about things he had never heard of, to which Harry would reply with a simple 'I don't know sir,' even if he did know the answer, in the hope that Snape would get the idea and leave him alone. All the questions were giving him a headache, which was making it even harder to concentrate. When Snape turned back to the rest of the class with a sneer, when Harry couldn't answer yet another question, Harry pinched the bridge of his noise trying to relive some of the pain and dizziness. This only seemed to make black spots appear in front of his eyes. The dizziness was getting worse, and Harry was having difficulty sitting on top of the stool. Snape turning back to him and Harry let his eye fall shut for a second. But when he opened then he was not in the poisons room.

_His body felt smooth powerful and flexible. He was gliding between shining metal bars, across dark, cold stone … he was flat against the floor, sliding along on his belly … it was dark, yet he could see objects around him shimmering in strange vibrant colours … he was turning his head … at first glance the corridor was empty … but no … a man was sitting on the floor ahead, his chin drooping on his chest, his outline gleaming in the dark … _

_Harry stuck out his tongue … he tasted the man's scent on the air … he was alive but drowsy … sitting at the end of the corridor … _

_Harry longed to bite the man … but he must master the impulse … he had more important work to do … _

_But the man was stirring and … a silver cloak fell from his legs as he jumped to his feet; and Harry saw his vibrant, blurred outline towering above him, saw a wand withdrawn from a belt … he had no choice … he reared high from the floor and struck once, twice, three times, plunging his fangs deeply into the man's flesh, feeling his ribs splinter beneath his jaws, feeling the warm gush of blood … _

_The man was yelling in pain … then fell silent … he slumped backwards against the wall … blood was splattered on the floor…_

_His head hurt terribly … it was aching fit to burst … _

'Mr. Potter, can you tell me what the main ingredient in the veritaserum poison is?' There was no reply 'Mr. Potter.' Snape yelled, stepping forward to him. But at that moment Harry slipped sideways off his chair, landing at Snape's feet. Snape was shocked. Kneeling down, he picked Harry's body up in his arms.

'Everyone back to the seats.' he snapped noticing the crowd. At that moment Harry arched his back and let out a strangled scream of pure pain. To say Snape was shocked was an understatement.

As soon as Harry fell, Draco was on his feet. People were crowding round trying to catch a glimpse of the Boy-Who-Lived, when Snape snapped at them to move and no one dared to disobey him when he spoke like that, so they scuttled back to there seats.

Draco, on the other hand, just ignored him he needed to see if Harry was all right. Kneeling down next to Harry, he was surprised at how gentle and caring Snape was being to Harry. He had never thought it possible. But before he could really take it all in, Harry let out a scream that shook him to the bone.

Draco noticed Snape's grip tighten and then Harry started thrashing around violently.

'Grab his arms' Snape ordered and Draco obliged. The screaming didn't last long as Harry reverted to biting his lip as an alternative. And slowly the blood trickled down his chin as he bit in to it.

Harry soon stopped screaming and began biting his lip, causing it to bleed. Snape decided that he preferred it when Harry was screaming. And had he not been holding Harry still, then he would have tried to stop him biting. Snape couldn't understand what caused Harry to stop screaming and cause him self more harm.

After about five minutes, Harry hadn't stopped, and Snape could find no way of waking him up. He dismissed the class harshly and they hurried out and to his surprise Granger and Weasley were one of the first to leave.

Ten minutes later Harry's eyes snapped open and he was shocked to look into the eyes of two Slytherins, one the most hated potions master, Professor Snape, and the other his new friend Draco. Oh, how embarrassing. But before he could think much more he was over taken but a wave of nausea. Rolling to the side and out of Snape's arms, Harry was violently sick.

'Sorry' Harry whispered. Snape just waved his wand and the mess disappeared. The pain in his body increased ten fold as he move to sit up and was over taken by twitches all over his body.

'Hold still for a moment, Mr. Potter.'

'Harry what was that what happened?' Harry was about to answer when he was brought sharply back to reality when he thought of the vision.

'Oh God, Mr Weasley.' Harry muttered clambering to his feet ignoring the pain as much as possible only one thing was going through his mind, _I must reach Dumbledore_.

'Potter you must rest,' Snape snapped reaching out to stop him but at that moment Harry sped towards the door. 'Potter.'

'Harry.' but he was gone running out the door and down the hall.

'Blast that insolent boy, so stupid!' Snape continued his tetrad of insults reacting in the only way he new how.

Meanwhile, Draco just stood there. What was going on? Harry who one minute couldn't move to even to get himself away from Snape, his worst enemy at Hogwarts, but the next was running down the corridor to help someone who didn't care about him. What was the fit for, and how did Mr Weasley fit into the picture.

Snape turned to look at Draco. Seeing Draco in shock, he went over to him. 'Draco … Draco!' he grabbed his arm snapping Draco out of his daze. 'He'll be fine.'

'What was that?' Draco said looking back at the place where Harry had been lying moments before.

I don't know,' Snape replied exasperated. 'I am going to see Dumbledore.'

'Can I stay here? I need to collect myself. I have no more lessons today.'

'Fine,' was all Snape said and walked out.

Harry bolted out the door; he didn't even hear the two people calling him. He ran up stairs, taking them two at a time, dodging the false stair on the way. He was running, not really taking anything in, he was on autopilot running up stair after stair to get to Dumbledore's office. After a short while, he reached the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the office.

'Tongue tying toffees'

'Smarties' Harry continued like this for a while, a good five minutes in fact. Meanwhile, Snape was hurrying up to Dumbledore office, using every secret passage he new. Not that he was ever going to admit he was slightly worried about Harry, I mean he _was_ the saviour of the world for gods sake.

As Snape neared the office he saw a flustered and frustrated Harry Potter trying to get in.

'Potter, why are you bothering Dumbledore?'

'Because, it's important.'

'What could you say that could possible be that important?'

'Something that could save a man's life.' Harry glared back but it didn't have the full effect because he was just too tired and still in a great deal of pain. Snape seemed to notice this and stepped forward.

'I'll make a barging with you, Potter. I'll let you in, if you go to Madame Pomfrey afterwards.'

'Why do you care what happens to me?'

'I don't, but Dumbledore will have my head if he finds out that I didn't send you to matron.'

'Fine.' Harry said having summed up his options and he could always not go and tell Snape that he had.

'Chocolate Frogs.' Harry had to refrain from rolling his eyes. _How obvious_, he thought.

'Obvious isn't it, Potter? Must admit, though, you didn't think of it.' Harry just glared at Snape. Why did he always use that mocking tone? Harry stepped in and Snape followed. Harry knocked on the door, Snape's presence only making him more nervous.

'Come in Mr Potter and Professor Snape.' Harry entered he noticed how Dumbledore still wouldn't look at him. _He must be really upset and angry over the death of Cedric and he had every reason to be, you should have done something_. Harry ducked his head looking ashamed.

'Have a seat both of you I hope you haven't irritated Snape so much that he brought you to me personally'

Snape opened his mouth to reply but Harry blurted out. 'I had a vision.'

'It was more like a fit.'

'Sorry Professor, I really didn't mean to disturb your lesson.'

'You didn't do it on purpose, I assume?'

'No.'

'Then I am not angry. Annoyed, perhaps, but not angry. But you will still have a detention as you could not answer a single question?'

Dumbledore who had not been listening to what was being said, finally asked, 'What was the vision about?'

'Mr. Weasley, you must be quick, he was hurt at the ministry. Bitten by a snake.'

'Ahh. Well, I will have someone check up on Mr Weasley but I am sure that it was just a dream and that he is fine.'

'Please hurry.'

'Stay here, Harry. I will go see.'

'I think Harry should go to see Madam Pomfrey,' said Snape, entering the conversation again.

'No.'

'Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing, Harry?'

'No, I'm fine.'

'There we are Severus. The boy is fine!' with that he left Snape at his heals.

Harry heard voices erupt out side the office door that was left ajar.

'He's not well you can see that, Albus.'

'Yes, I can. He cannot fool me, but this is no longer about Harry, this is about the prophecy.'

'And the prophecy is about Harry…'

'Harry's feeling don't count. His safety and his ability to win is what is important.'

'So he's a weapon then?'

'Yes and No. A weapon can be welded but anyone Harry has to be nurtured…'

'Manipulated?'

'Encouraged down the right path.'

Harry had to stifle a gasp.

Harry didn't remember much after that he was so swallowed up in his own thoughts 'A _weapon? No not Dumbledore, his last friend, no he was more than that he was his mentor, no not him please!' _Harry was devastated but he refused to cry. There was no point and he would not do it in front of Dumbledore, not after what he said. Dumbledore soon came back into the room looking very happy but still not making eye contact.

'Well done Harry, you where right and you may have just save Mr. Weasley's life'

Harry just nodded _'A weapon.'_

'You're tired. You may go. Go to bed, Harry, and rest.'

'Have you told Ron?'

'Yes. He and Hermione and the rest of the Weasley's are going to see him at Saint Mungo's hospital.

'Can I go?'

'Not under the circumstances, no.'

'What circumstances?'

'Voldemort, Harry. It's not safe.'

'But …'

'No, child. No.'

That was the end of the conversation and Harry left the office with his head hanging.

Hi just want to say thank you to my beta for helping me with this sorry it's a bit late anyway the vision Harry has is written by j.k herself so I own none of it and I guess I hope you like it please review. Thanks try to update sooner. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Harry didn't go to bed he walked for a while in a daze. _A weapon then … yes and no … good work … circumstances … safety … save Mr. Weasley's life … _Cedric.

Tears boiled over and ran down his face. Rising a hand, he attempted to brush his weakness away but they were only to be replaced by more tears, more pain, and more weakness. Harry ran down the hall; he had to stop the tears somehow. He had to stop being weak, had to grow up. He had to become the weapon Dumbledore so desperately needed. He had to impress him. '_This is not about Harry's feelings.'_ So he had to get a stronger push in the right direction, then he could be what Dumbledore wanted.

Harry reached some toilets, not really knowing where he was, and ran in so fast he felt sure the door would come of. Pulling out the knife he kept in his pocket, he pulled up his sleeve tears still running down his face. He pulled the knife up his arm, hissing at the pain he inflicted on himself, and the blood that came forth from the slashed arm. '_Rid yourself of agony. It will make you stronger. Live with pain. It will make you who your meant to be_.' Soon the cuts came faster and there were more cuts than ever before; deeper than ever before.

The blood pooled on the floor. That blood, the symbol of him, pain and suffering, the never-ending anguishes of his life, the people he left behind and let down. The blood that looked the same as any other blood but kept him so apart form the rest of society. The blood that is ever flowing, his life that's never changing, the never-ending coming and going of the people that really seemed to matter. Life's constant unfairness.

And he craved it. As injustice craved his life. They were one and the same just like the blood, his blood,

The door open.

Harry turned to see Draco was there. Staggering to his feet Harry tried to say 'you,' but all that came out was a bundle of slurred and incoherent syllables. He tried again only to fail in much the same way as the last.

'Harry! No.' Draco moved forward, but Harry swung away, shaking his head. All his movements were wild and exaggerated things you would expect if someone were drunk. All Draco could guess was that Harry was hysterical. Harry stared laughing, and through bouts of laughter, managed to slur: 'No Draco. I…' He said punching his chest. 'Deserve this … need this. It will make me strong.' The laughter stopped after that and Harry adopted a stubborn look. 'Dumbledore will like me again.' His expression changed again and he now looked sad and lost. 'He will have his weapon.'

Draco moved forward and cupped Harry's cheek. Then, thinking better of it placed them on his shoulders. 'Weapon, Harry?'

'He wants a weapon!' he said, giggling again as if he was a child and had just imparted on a great secret. 'I will be it!' he whispered again leaning forward, only to stagger falling on to Draco, grabbing hold of his shoulders.

Draco slid his hands down Harry's arms, smearing Harry's blood on his own hands. Reaching Harry's hands, Draco pulled the knife out of his hand. 'Why do you want him to like you so much?'

'Because he's all I have left…' he said sadly. Saying this, his eyes fluttered closed, and Draco, seeing that Harry had calmed down, looked down at his wrists. The cuts were deep and, if they were not tended to, they could be fatal. If he healed them, however, they would most likely be OK. He knew that this image of Harry would haunt his dreams forever and, taking in the whole picture, tried to swallow back the tears that were threatening to fall. But a bloody hand reached out and whipped away one stray tear and left behind a stick mark under his eye.

'You really care, don't you? Why?' But before Draco could reply to that, Harry's hand fell away from his face and his body crumpled. Draco managed to grab Harry around the waist preventing Harry from hitting the cold floor. Draco looked at Harry, his back arched away from him, his head lolling back displaying his pale neck. Draco pulled Harry to him and rested Harry's head on his shoulder.

'Because I love you.' He whispered and in one fluid moment, gracefully reached down and picked up Harry's legs and, carrying him bridle style, left the toilets.

What should he do with Harry? Take him to the infirmary even thought he had promised not to tell anyone? '_OK, well of course Harry's health come first before anything else… OK, here's what to do. Heal the wounds and if he is stable, leave it. If his not, take him to the hospital wing._' Draco headed to a room he knew of, not far from where he was standing.

Harry was incredible light and small; no wonder he made such a good seeker. But, this wasn't normal. He was too light. This was malnourishment.

Draco reached the room before he could finish his thought. Whispering the password, the door swung open to admit them. It was a small room with a double bed pushed up against the wall. Draco laid Harry on the bed and, using a wand cleaned the cuts he couldn't heal because they were too big. He tore one of the sheets into stripes using his wand, and began to rap them tightly around Harry's wrists. Once he was finished, he pulled a blanket up over Harry in case he got cold, and left the room.

He was apprehensive to leave Harry alone in case he woke up. Draco wanted to be there and give Harry a long lecture. However, he had to clean up the toilets before any one noticed the mess. '_And anyway, Harry's not likely to wake up for a while anyway._' Draco mused. Turning back to Harry before he left, Draco bent over and placed a soft, innocent kiss on Harry's forehead. It sent a tingling sensation up his spine and through his lips. Draco couldn't help but smile. Draco was amazed if a simple kiss on the forehead could do that what would a full on kiss be like. Trying not to get too excited, Draco left the room. He was a Slytherin after all. He couldn't get all-gooey over kiss.

'Oh my God… what have I done? I don't want to die! I have to kill Tom Riddle.' Harry was floating in nothing. It was black all around him and it was thick and heavy and clung to his lungs. 'I don't want to die.' He closed his eyes. 'I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.'

Suddenly the air became lighter and the darkness became lighter, the sort of darkness you have when you have your eyes closed in a well-lit room. He felt the softness on his back that he was lying on. He wasn't weightless anymore and he suddenly realised that he was back in his body on a bed.

Sitting up right, his breath coming in sharp bursts, he realised that he was hyperventilating from the shock of the whole situation. Suddenly, something touched him on the shoulder and Harry jumped and flinched away from it.

'Hey, Harry. It's me, Draco.' Harry seemed to relax a bit at the voice and stopped hyperventilating, but began to shake violently.

'I didn't want to die … I thought I was going to die.'

'Shush … shush' whispered Draco pulling Harry into a hug. 'It's OK. It will be OK.'

'I only wanted to cause pain.' Draco pulled away cupping Harry's face in his hands.

'Why?'

'Because… I have to be strong'

'But you are strong.'

'Not strong enough for Dumbledore.'

'Earlier you talked about a weapon?' Draco asked trying to understand. Harry took a deep breath. He wasn't sure why he was going to tell Draco, but somehow, it just felt right. '_Maybe it was because he just saved your life?_' Harry mused.

'After the poisons incident, I went to Dumbledore and Snape came, too. Anyway, outside Snape and Dumbledore had a conversation. Snape asked if I was a weapon and Dumbledore said 'yes and no' He said that… I was more than a weapon. That I have to be neutered' Harry had tried to keep his emotions in check, but his voice broke. Taking a deep breath, he continued. 'That I had to be encouraged down the right path. He manipulated me, Draco… Used me!'

'He's not important, Harry.'

'How can you say that? Of course he is!'

'Why? Why is he **_so_** important? He nothing but an old fool.'

'Don't talk about him like that! He's all I've got left. Hermione and Ron don't want to know me anymore.'

'I never liked those two. They're both fucking idiots'

'Hey!' Harry said getting angry and pulling away 'I won't have you talk about them like that.'

'Why do you keep sticking up for them when they treat you like a piece of shit?!' Asked Draco getting upset about the turn the conversation took.

Harry looked down at his lap. 'Because they're my friends…'

'They don't deserve to be you friends! You're to good for them.' Harry looked up, shocked. Then, seeing the sincerity in Draco's face, blushed and looked down again, letting his bangs cover his face.

Draco felt his breath catch in his throat. God, he was beautiful. And before Draco knew what he was doing, he bent down and placed a chaste kiss on Harry plump red lips. Draco was surprised by what he did but even more surprise when Harry didn't pull away. Instead, his eyes fluttered closed. Taking this as a sign to continue, Draco crushed their lips together. This kiss was so different form any other kiss he had had. This was amazing nothing seemed to matter anymore; it was just Harry and he. Their lips moving together as if they were dancing, Draco's lips boldly trying to conquer Harry's, while Harry somewhat coyly tried to fight back, as if he wasn't going to let Draco get the better of him. Harry, however, really had no idea what he was doing and slowly let Draco take control.

Harry had never been kissed before. He didn't he didn't know what to expect nor how to react but this was just… wow! He tried to partake in the kiss but then found that it was just easier to let Draco take control. Then it hit him. DRACO!! Coming to his senses, Harry pulled way from the flushed blonde.

'What was that?' Harry said, jumping to his feet and backing away, feeling dizzy from the loss of blood but not about to go back to the bed. Not while _he_ was sitting there.

'Look! Harry! Sorry!' Draco said raising his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Harry decided not to go to the feast. He was too nervous about the talk with Draco to eat and besides, no one was going to talk to him there anyway. Harry had decided to talk to Draco around twelve when the feast officially ended. He was waiting down the corridor near the Slytherin common room entrance, pacing back and forth and becoming steadily more nervous as each second ticked on by.

Harry was in luck, it seemed. Draco was the first to leave the feast and he was alone. However as Draco moved closer, he could tell that something was wrong. The way that Draco was walking made the hair on the back of his neck bristle. Just like when Vernon was drunk … Vernon.

Harry tried to duck out of sight, suddenly thinking twice about talking to Draco while he was in his intoxicated state. But before he could get fully out of sight, Draco saw him.

'Harry?'

'I was just going to bed. See you tomorrow.' Harry replied, the words rushing out. He knew he was panicking, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

'No, stay a bit!' Draco grabbing Harry's arm.

'I really must go.'

'Did you like it?'

'Like what?' Harry asked, trying to keep to keep his voice calm, all the while knowing he was being backed into a wall.

'My kiss Harry.' Harry's back thumped into the wall. Draco had one hand on the wall beside his head and he placed the other hand on Harry waist. 'Shall I kiss you again?' Draco leaned down to place a kiss on his lips but Harry turned his head away.

'Well if not the lips, the neck. It's the next best place, although I can think of others…' He said, as he bent down to kiss soft kisses along Harry's jaw line. Once he reached Harry's pressure point, it became too much for Harry and he tried to fight back.

'No! Draco please!' Harry begged 'Please!'

'Shush, Harry! You're enjoying it!' Harry tried to push Draco away but his arms were to weak and were shaking too much. And as his begging began to get more and more desperate, he wondered why Draco was doing this to him. Suddenly, Draco was pulled off him and he slid down the wall, sinking to the floor trying to get his breath steady.

'Potter, are you alright?' came Snape's voice. Harry looked up in to Snape's eyes, and not daring to say anything, nodded his head and in a scratchy voice said 'Sure.' Harry swallowed and added in a little less shaky of a voice, 'Just shaken up, that's all.'

'Hey,' came a voice from behind Snape causing Harry to flinch. 'You had no right!'

'Shut it, Draco!' Snape turned voice turned cold. 'You're drunk and I think you should come to my office to cool off.'

'I think I needed to get back to Griffindor tower,' Harry said getting shakily to his feet.

'Probably best.' Snape said. shifting back to the cold potions professor he knew. ' What were you doing out after curfew anyway?'

'I … I …'

'Eloquent as usual.' Harry couldn't talk any more. It was just too much and all his mind was telling him to do was run. He complied, leaving behind a stunned Snape, not that he would admit being shocked.

Harry reached the entrance hall and stopped. That was the second time this year he had run away from Snape. Why did he always seem to get to him more than any other teacher? Harry didn't feel like going to Griffindor tower and so he turned and headed outside. He knew he wasn't allowed, but who really cared? He had broken worse rules before.

'Drink this, Draco.' Snape thrust a potion into Draco's hands. He swallowed it and grimaced at the taste. 'What did you expect? It will sober you up.' And sure enough ten minutes later, Draco asked slurred-voice free,

'What happened?'

'Well you were harassing… '

' I know what I did.' Draco snapped 'But why?'

'Because you were drunk' Snape replied, as if he were talking to a child of three.

'But I didn't drink any alcohol! You know as well as I do that you can't get any alcohol into the great hall.'

'And you say you came directly from the great hall?'

'Yes'

Snape snapped his fingers and a house elf dressing in the full hogwarts uniform appear bowing low. 'Get every goblet that was taken from the Slytherin house table and have then brought to me before they are cleaned. That is all.'

About ten minutes later, a drop of detection poison had been added to every glass.

'Ah Ha!' Snape shouted most un-Snape like.

'What?' Draco said interested, coming round to look into the goblet Snape was coached over.

'There's a potion in this glass.'

'There is? What is it?'

'Give me a chance!' Snape snapped, pushing Draco away and taking to goblet to his work desk. After some agonising minutes of testing on Draco's part, as he was not the most patient of people, Snape said 'This was defiantly your glass, Draco.'

Why? What's it got in it?'

'This potion,' he indicated to the goblet, 'mimics the affects of being drunk. Its not that complicated to make but this has not been made well.'

Draco sunk into the chair behind him. Finding out what had happened was only his way of running from what he did to Harry and what he almost did.

'Thank you,' he whispered

'As much as I like to be thanked, I must ask what for.'

'For stopping me and for everything'

'He'll forgive you if you tell him the truth.'

'He's different this year. I don't now how to tackle him.'

'Look, you're asking the wrong person when it comes to understanding Potter.' Snape joked, raising his hand in defeat, causing Draco to laugh meekly.

'I'd better get back.' Draco said getting to his feet.

'Watch your drink in future.'

'Sev, please stop being so hard on him.' Snape knew whom Draco was talking about.

'I can't Draco I … I …' Once upon a time, Snape would have said he had to keep up his appearance as a death eater, but he didn't anymore. However, it was just too hard to suddenly be nice to Harry Potter, it was just built in now. Draco raised his eyebrow at Snape's silence. 'Good night, Draco.' Snape said, annoyed.

'Night, Sev.' Draco sighed there more I like than they thing Draco thought to himself

Harry sat outside for a long time just letting his mind wonder. Slowly, his body grew tired from all the tension of the day and he drifted of to sleep. When he woke up, it was early morning. The break of day was cold and the ground was crisp. Moving, Harry realised that he was wet all the way through and assumed it was from the Scottish fog that hung everywhere during the morning. Getting to his feet was an agonising moment, as it seemed that the damp weather had not only got in to his clothes but in to his very bone, agonising all his wounds. And even some of his old injuries that would still pain him now and then.

The cut down his back was not healing at all the constant movement straining his back was making it impossible to scab over. But he couldn't bring himself to go to the hospital wing and so he trudged back to school training his voice to show none of his discomfort.

He entered the Entrance Hall ready to head back to Gryffindor Tower and change his clothes before he went in to breakfast. Heading across the hall, Draco came up beside him, causing hi, to jump and shy away, his whole body stiffing with tension, ready to run.

'Harry, please. Can we talk? I need to explain what happened last night.' And not giving Harry a chance to reply, headed off down the corridor leaving Harry with no choice but to follow. They reached an empty hall and Draco turn to him.

'Look, first I want to apologise for the way I acted last night.'

'You were drunk, I know. Its ok. But I needed to go. Now.' Harry made a move to walk past Draco who was in the way of the direction he needed to go, but Draco grabbed the shoulder furthest away effectively making his arm a barrier.

'No Harry its not …' He stopped in mid-sentence and exclaimed, 'Harry, you're soaked!' Harry clothes were making Draco's shirt sleeve damp.

'That's why I need to go.'

'How did you get so wet? It wasn't raining when I woke up.'

'I fell asleep outside.' Harry mumbled, knowing how stupid it sounded.

'What?' Draco said, hoping he had heard wrong, but before he let Harry say it again, he went off on a tirade. 'How could you be so … so … so stupid?! You could catch ammonia or something?' Draco really was angry and had started casting drying spells on him. Harry was struggling and trying to get free. He finally wrenched himself free and pushed the offending wand away.

'Stop mothering me, Malfoy.'

'Well you clearly need it if you are foolish enough to fall asleep outside in November, and all, Harry.'

'Argh!' Harry said and started walking away.

'Look Harry, I'm sorry!' Draco came running up beside Harry. 'I just worry about you, that's all.'

'Did you have something to say to me or did you drag me here for no reason at all?'

'I just wanted to say that my drink was spiked with a drunken potion yesterday and I hope you can forgive me for my outbursts.'

'Fine' Harry didn't know how to respond to the blonde. He was still in a bad mood and he didn't know what else to say. Draco on the other hand didn't know what Harry's answer meant. 'Yes, I forgive you' or 'if that's all I'm going'. Harry didn't offer any help he just turned around and stalked away.

­


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 **

Harry didn't know what to think. He had been ready to give Draco a try but yesterday, but then again, could he condemn Draco for one mistake? After all he himself had made enough mistakes in life. And he really had to like him if he was willing to talk to his father.

This same argument had been bugging him all day now and desperate for relief, he headed up to the astronomy tower to get away from every one. Still deep in thought and fingering the knife in his pocket, Harry entered the astronomy tower only to come face to face with the person he had been trying to avoid all day, Draco. As Harry got over his shock of seeing Draco here he realised that they were in fact on face to face. Harry was small but not that small. Draco was slumped on the floor and breathing heavily. At sight of Harry he tried to get up, wincing at the movement. A small yelp that came from Draco's parted lips woke Harry from his musings and he rushed forward.

'No don't move.' Harry said, taking Draco's shoulders lightly.

'Fuck off, Potter!' Draco snapped.

'I know you're embarrassed, but there's no need to be rude.'

'Look I don't need your help.'

'Year right, you can barely stand.' Harry took out his wand and began healing the bruises on his face.

'How do you know how to do that?'

'Necessity.' was all Harry replied. 'May I…?' Harry said indicating to Draco's practically shredded shirt.

'Undressing me all ready are we? Moving a bit fast.' Harry didn't reply. He just blushed and began to take off Draco's shirt, trying to keep as professional as possible. But he couldn't help but notice how good Draco's body was, even with the bruises. 'I expect you to return the favour, too.' Draco whispered. Harry looked up, shocked to the seriousness in Draco's voice. But when he met Draco's eyes, he could see the merriment in them. When Draco saw Harry's face, he just burst out laughing causing Harry to blush even more, feeling very embarrassed over the whole thing. However Draco's laughing came to an abrupt stop due to the pain in his chest.

'Look, you're going to need some potions. I'll go get you some.'

'Wait, I don't think I need them.'

'Draco, you need one for the criticus affect at least.

'How did you know about that?'

'I've seen and felt it enough.'

'Then you've seen to much.' Draco said, reaching out and brushing the bangs out of Harry's eye. Harry shivered at the touch. No one had ever been that tender towards him.

Clearing his throat and feeling rather embarrassed that Draco had made him react like that Harry said, 'Well, the fact still remains that you need that potion.'

'And where are you going to get it?'

'The hospital wing.'

'No! You can't tell anyone, no one can know.'

Harry narrowed his eyes. 'It was the Slytherins, wasn't it?'

'Yes! Ok? I told you. Just don't tell anyone.'

'Ok… but I'm still getting you that potion.'

'How?'

'Steal it.'

'What?

'Not so pure now.'

'Harry, that's wrong.'

'That's necessity. Anyway, I'll replace them when I get round to brewing them.'

'But Harry, you're terrible at potions.'

'Thanks a lot.'

'Oops… err... That came out wrong.'

'Anyway, I'm only bad when Snape's there.'

Draco really wasn't sure about this but he could see that he wasn't going to win, so reluctantly, he agreed to the plan.

10 minutes later, Harry returned with a bunch of potions cradled in his hands. Sitting down carefully so as not to disturb any of them, he started to hand them to Draco for him to drink.

'Who?' Harry asked quietly.

'What?' Draco replied confused.

'Who did this to you?' his voice was sad and lost.

'I'll deal with it on my own.' Draco snapped.

'Sorry…'

'No, I'm sorry. It's just something I need to deal with on my own.'

'I understand… Honestly, I do.' Harry said catching Draco's raised eyebrow. 'What are you going to do? You can't go back to the Slytherin common room… for tonight at least. Um… you could come to Gryffindor.'

Draco just laughed. 'I don't think so.'

'Well, I mean if … I'm going to um… go out with you, you've got to get used to my friends.'

'Are they still your---' Draco stopped. Harry's words had only just sunk in. He looked up to see Harry looking down and fiddled with his robe cuff. He looked quite adorable. 'Harry, do you really mean that?'

'If you still want to.'

'I do… I do.' Draco said his face cracking into a broad grin. 'Can I kiss you?' Harry couldn't find his voice and just nodded and blushed.

Draco leaned in closer, their lips brushing each other. Harry couldn't prevent the shiver that spread across the whole of his body.

'You need to relax.'

'I'm nervous,' was his reply.

'Why?' Draco whispered against his lips

'Because-' Draco placed a small kiss on his lips. 'Because I've never done this before, except for last time, with you, and I wasn't exactly thinking about it then.' Draco just smirked and put his hand on the back of Harry's neck and crushed their lips together. This was no time for reassurance. He wanted Harry to know how much he had longed for this and how desperate he was. The kiss wasn't harsh or brutal but filled with pure need.

It was simply amazing was all Harry could think. Their lips moved together. It wasn't brilliant, nor was it what he had always imaging. Their kiss was clumsy; not like last time their lips met. But for some reason, Harry felt right. He was sharing something like this with Draco, and for once in his life, he was not ashamed. The feeling lasted for a second, when they parted he felt the shame come back. He knew he was putting Draco in danger by going out with him.

But it didn't last long. Draco took Harry's mouth on his again and this time Harry felt his eyes flutter closed completely out of his control. Draco ran his tongue across Harry's lips begging for entrance. This kiss was different from the last. This was all about Harry. This was all about showing Harry what love was like and so far it was working. Harry moaned into Draco's mouth. Draco continued to nip and suck Harry's plump lips enjoying the taste and the sensations Harry was sending down his spine with every little noise.

Some time during the kiss Harry found himself clinging to Draco's shirt for support. This kiss was so different from the last. There was no time to think; there was only pleasure. Harry had felt a lot of pain but never much pleasure and he was finding it too much. He was ashamed to say it and show it but he was afraid.

Eventually they both had to come up for air and Draco pulled away.

'Wow…' Harry breathed out heavily and rested his and Draco's heads together.

'Good?' Draco asked. Harry just nodded still trying to catch his. Draco laughed and rubbed their noses together. When Harry's breathing had returned to normal, he looked up at Draco.

'Promised me something, Draco. Never get drunk again or at least be careful, accident or not.'

'I promise.' They sat like that for a while Draco with his arm around Harry's shoulder and Harry leaning into Draco with his head snuggled into Draco's chest. But Harry was getting tired and didn't want to leave Draco's embrace. He had an idea and only hoped Draco wouldn't object. Harry wriggled out of Draco's embrace and lay down with his head resting on Draco's chest and closed his eyes.

'Comfortable?' Draco asked sarcastically.

'Very.' Harry replied causing Draco to laugh. 'You know you're not that bad'

'Thanks.' he replied sarcastically

'No, I mean it. So why are you mean to everyone?'

'Why do you keep trying to kill yourself, and I'm not talking about the cutting?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry said, trying to get up.

'Look,' Draco said, pushing Harry back down. 'All I am saying is that if you answer my question you answer your own.'

'Because I'm the saviour.'

'I have to be 'mean,' as you put it, because I am the Slytherin prince.'

'I see…' Harry lay there, pondering what Draco had just said. They really weren't so different.

Draco sat there, content with just having Harry lying there. Secretly, he was quite pleased that Harry had made a move as small as it was. Draco liked being the dominate one in a relationship, but one of the things that he had always found so endearing about Harry was that he was bold and fiery and yet, seemed to oblivious to affection of any kind unless it stared him in the face and then he would pull away all shy-like. Draco was brought from his musings by Harry's yawn. Sighing, Draco began to drag Harry to his feet.

'Come on, you.' He said lifting a tired Harry to his feet. 'I think it's time you and I got back to our common rooms.' Harry's eyes snapped open.

'No you can't go back there! I mean---'

'I can't _not_ go back there, Harry.' Draco sighed

'Please…I…I… please stay one night.' And Draco sighed again. He really couldn't deny Harry anything.

'One night. But I'm leaving early.' Harry just nodded going back to his sleepy state.

'Harry?'

'Hmmm?' He replied drowsily

What were you going to do up here?'

'I… I was going to think.' Lightning quick, Draco reached into Harry's pocket and pulled out the knife that had been lying there waiting to be used.

'I thought so. Don't lie to me.' Draco hissed dangerously. Harry averted his eyes in shame of being caught

'I can only help if you're honest. You want to stop don't you?' Draco's voice softened.

'Honestly?' Draco nodded. 'No.' he said clearly and mater-of-factly.

'Harry?' Draco gasped. Of all the things Draco had expected Harry to say that was the last one to come out of his mouth. And to say it with out any reservation! He opened his mouth to give Harry a piece of his mind but Harry cut him off.

'No Draco. This is the only way. I feel I'm numb without it.'

'You feel this don't you.' He said pulling Harry into another kiss.

'So you're saying I should replace cutting with kissing…'

'Exactly.'

'But I'd be kissing you all the time.'

'I'm not complaining.' Harry couldn't help himself he let out a burst of laughter at that point.

'I haven't heard that in a while.'

'Its just a laugh' replied Harry coyly; felling uncomfortable about the way Draco had said it.

'I like it. Laugh more often for me.' Draco said caressing Harry's jaw line. Harry just nodded, unused to the gentle touch. Then a yawn escaped his lips and Draco led him down from the tower.


End file.
